Up up and away! Before gravity hits you again....

Life has been pretty good nowadays. Making some money from network marketing (though not as much as I expected), got into INSTEP (UK!!! Woot!), and finally getting over her. Yes! I finally got over her! haha. How do I know? Well I saw her making out with this guy in a club and I didn't feel jealous or anything. Glad that I'm finally over her! Yes!

Well, since so many things have been looking good for me, naturally I was happy. Felt so so happy after getting the news that I was accepted to Hertfordshire Uni. London baby! London! haha

But I have been feeling a bit gloomy these few days. I've recently started liking this girl, whom I got to know through her. Starting to fall for her but I'm scared. After all the past experiences that I've been through, I'm afraid that I'll be hurt again. Sounds pretty gay but yeah that's what I'm going through now. Saw her making out with this guy in a club but she said that it didn't mean anything and didn't like him. Don't know if that's the truth, after all we're not that close yet.

I'm so confused now and don't know what to do. Should I go after her? But I have a strong feeling that I'll be rejected if I go after her.... Sigh....

Oh and I'm getting addicted to smoking.... Damn that death stick.....

The Blower's Daughter

Wow... I thought that I have gotten over her but I guess it's not so easy huh? Hearing all these stories from her, I can't help but feel angry? Jealous? Sigh... But I know that we can never be together. She probably thinks that I'm not good enough for her and I don't think I can stand being in a relationship with her. I'll probably go crazy and end up arguing with her all the time to the point where it'll be hard for us to even be friends. Crazy isn't it? To hate someone but to also have feelings for that person. Human beings are such weird creatures. I'm guessing that she'll be staying over at his house tonight, but I don't think that things are gonna end well in the end... Don't know when will she learn her lesson...

Anyway holidays are so so so boring.... Managed to find work for this week which makes things slightly better. Oh and I'm trying network marketing at the moment. Really hope that this is something that will take off and in 3 years time, I'll hopefully be making a 5 digit salary! :D

I've been trying to lose weight so far as well. I'm now like 75 kg, from a previous weight of 78 kg. Not much loss, but I'm still really pleased with it. After all, this is the lightest that I've been for 5 years!!! (God that's long) Have been slacking off this week, but I'll get back to my schedule next week! I promise!

Sun of a gun

You are such a bitch I have no idea why I liked you in the first place.

Moving on is so lonely. Sigh.... It's ok I guess. Better spend this time to focus and study. But keep getting distracted by TF2 recently. lol. Wrong time to get addicted to a game!!!! ):

Oh and I'm quite excited about the upcoming election! Will be able to vote and exercise my right as a Singapore citizen for the first time!!! haha.... Short post today! Feeling lazy. haha! Ciao

Fed up

I'm seriously damn fed up with that unappreciative bitch. It's so tiring being her friend. Expected to do so much shit for her and getting nothing in return. Need my help that time act all nice and sweet. But when you don't you just kick me aside and just forget about me. Never even do or say anything to show that you're at least appreciative of what I did. Sick and tired of being taken for granted.

Fuck you bitch. You can just rot and die by yourself. Don't expect me to come save you then. You should expect others to treat you the same way you treat them.

And we fall back into the same pattern, the same routine

Been really busy with work recently. Marketing case study, quizes, lab reports. Rarhx!!! So much stuff to do, so little time. Some more this sem the mods got a lot of things to memorize... :S

Really hope that I can maintain my high GPA this sem. Hoping that I will make it into Dean's list. Interestingly, this has never been my plan, but since I'm already half way there, I thought why not give it a shot and see what can I achieve if I chiong my studies. After all, I never really did well in my studies before (primary school excluded).

Oh and I'm now down to about 75! Yays! 13 more to go! Slow but steady!!!

Yeah and PR broke with LS last week. They lasted for like 3 weeks? Now, I'm scared that I'll fall back into the same trap again. Actually, I think that I'm in the midst of falling into that damn trap. But she's doing fine. She's gotten stronger. Not sleeping overnight with me anymore. I on the other hand, don't think that I can pull that off. Really don't know when I'll get over her.

I applied for SUSEP for Year 2 sem 1. Hope that I can get in.... 1 sem worth of pass/fail! But I'm worried about her. Don't know if she can cope if I'm gone.... Sigh.....

Stress

The stress is mounting and I'm petrified. Gotta snap out of it and get serious.

It's a quarter after 1 and I need you now

Made up with DY recently. Asked him to call me after I saw her kiss her bf. Desperately needed someone to talk to at that point. Truth is I was ok with talking with him for awhile already, just that I was waiting for him to make a move first.

Anyway he called on Tuesday night and we had a long talk. Said about how sorry he was etc... Tried to get me back to church. Kept saying he knows how I feel and how he's tried doing things his way before and it always failed. Said that he was an ass for a lot of times that even I didn't know about.

Just 1 thing that I'm not happy about. He keeps having this mentality that the people around him are "sheltered" and these set backs are like damn hard for us because of our "sheltered" background. Well, fuck him, cause you can't judge unless you've been through it before. Does he honestly think it's easy dealing with so many things at once? Does he understand the expectations people have on me? The expectations I have from myself? Does he understand how complicated and awful my situation is? Whatever. I don't think we can go back to how our relationship used to be.

After talking to DY, I told PR about it and she came down and talked to me about it. Am really appreciative about it but I shouldn't have done that.... So much for trying to get over her.... But at least at the end I managed to tell her that I really appreciated her as a friend and that I'm quite amazed and appreciative that our friendship didn't sour after everything that happened. That felt like a proper closure for me, saying that we're friends and all. Hugged her and held her hands for 1 last time.

I really hope to get over her soon. Hasn't been easy especially when I see her with her bf. Oh and I found out that she made out with her female friend during the PJ party. If I didn't know her or I didn't have feelings for her, I'll be very much turned on. But that's not how things are, and I'm kinda disturbed by that. Oh and her bf and his friend were smoking weed in hall! Part of me wants to balto (the mr brightside part) but aiya lots of repercussions. And I also want to try it one day. Not in sg though. Too risky. haha.

"I can't take my mind off you (till I find someone new)" - The blower's daughter