It's a quarter after 1 and I need you now

Made up with DY recently. Asked him to call me after I saw her kiss her bf. Desperately needed someone to talk to at that point. Truth is I was ok with talking with him for awhile already, just that I was waiting for him to make a move first.

Anyway he called on Tuesday night and we had a long talk. Said about how sorry he was etc... Tried to get me back to church. Kept saying he knows how I feel and how he's tried doing things his way before and it always failed. Said that he was an ass for a lot of times that even I didn't know about.

Just 1 thing that I'm not happy about. He keeps having this mentality that the people around him are "sheltered" and these set backs are like damn hard for us because of our "sheltered" background. Well, fuck him, cause you can't judge unless you've been through it before. Does he honestly think it's easy dealing with so many things at once? Does he understand the expectations people have on me? The expectations I have from myself? Does he understand how complicated and awful my situation is? Whatever. I don't think we can go back to how our relationship used to be.

After talking to DY, I told PR about it and she came down and talked to me about it. Am really appreciative about it but I shouldn't have done that.... So much for trying to get over her.... But at least at the end I managed to tell her that I really appreciated her as a friend and that I'm quite amazed and appreciative that our friendship didn't sour after everything that happened. That felt like a proper closure for me, saying that we're friends and all. Hugged her and held her hands for 1 last time.

I really hope to get over her soon. Hasn't been easy especially when I see her with her bf. Oh and I found out that she made out with her female friend during the PJ party. If I didn't know her or I didn't have feelings for her, I'll be very much turned on. But that's not how things are, and I'm kinda disturbed by that. Oh and her bf and his friend were smoking weed in hall! Part of me wants to balto (the mr brightside part) but aiya lots of repercussions. And I also want to try it one day. Not in sg though. Too risky. haha.

"I can't take my mind off you (till I find someone new)" - The blower's daughter

Mr Brightside (again)

Mr brightside still says it all.

Mr Brightside - The killers

I'm coming out of my cage
And I've been doing just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
Now I'm falling asleep
And she's calling a cab
While he's having a smoke
And she's taking a drag
Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
But she's touching his-chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, letting me go

And I just can't look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it's just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
'Cause I'm Mr Brightside

I'm coming out of my cage
And I've been doing just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
Now I'm falling asleep
And she's calling a cab
While he's having a smoke
And she's taking a drag
Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
But she's touching his-chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, letting me go

Cause I just can't look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it's just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
'Cause I'm Mr Brightside

I never...
I never...
I never...
I never...

And it's official

And so it's official. She's with another guy. How I wish I can just get over her. She's burnt me so many times and I'm just so sick of all these shit. I honestly wish I never met her.

I want to be strong and get over her. I want to be happy. I just wish I'm strong enough to do all these. Really need someone right now

Been a long time aye?

Been awhile since I last blogged... Anyway I did really well in the previous sem. Got a GPA of 4.58! Was so so happy when I got back my results. Haven't felt so happy in a long long time. Could really use that injection of happiness in my life.

Things between us now is more stable now I guess. More of a friendship status. Boundaries and line drawn is much clearer. Trying hard to get over her but it's hard, considering how deeply involved we have become. Just so sick of all the things that happened between us. All the drama and stuff. I wish that things had been simpler, even if that means I wouldn't get her in the end. Going through all those stuff was painful. I also don't know if she is right for me. At least for the past few months, what she's been saying and what she does is totally different. So tired of such stuff.

Oh yeah there's this other guy who is interested in her as well (scratch that. many other guys are jioing her as well but he seems to stand a fair chance). He was jealous of the fact that I went out with her on vday and went into rage mode and bought her like 1 million and 1 things. Think he spent like at least $100. But then again I also spent that much on her as well. lol. But the point is, I've been trying to let go of her. I want to not interfere between them but it's just so damn hard. I'm really trying my best, but what if it's not enough?

Work has been piling up as well. Got too many commitments. Canvassing is a real pain in the ass. Shouldn't have joined 2 business stuff man. Sigh.... Got too many party plans as well. Kara's birthday party, sbs pageant and pyjamas party. Going totally broke.

Clubbing seems to have lost it's thrill. Maybe I'm getting old? Dunno. Just that when I'm dancing I feel so empty. When you're out in the club dancing you're supposed to lose it all. Forget everything and just live that moment in the music. But in the midst of the dance floor with all the people squeezing and dancing next to me, I still feel the same. I still think about how fucking screwed my life is now. How everything is upside down.

I wonder what does it take for me to be happy again? Would I be happy again if I get her? I dunno. I really dunno.

"I've become what I can't be" - Stop and stare

"Just gonna stand there and watch me burn. But that's alright because I like the way it hurts" - Love the way you lie